{"id":3990,"date":"2018-10-16T17:34:33","date_gmt":"2018-10-17T00:34:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/?p=3990"},"modified":"2018-10-17T09:02:53","modified_gmt":"2018-10-17T16:02:53","slug":"naked","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/naked\/","title":{"rendered":"NAKED?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"
Doing my thing in concert at The Antelope Valley Ukulele Festival. Photo by Craig Brandau<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I\u2019ve been spinning a lot of plates in the air lately. Gigging, teaching, doing what we all do to stay connected with each other, sleeping (sometimes), celebrating a wedding anniversary and my husband\u2019s birthday. Oh yes, I’ve been writing songs, practicing the uke and got to participate in not one, but two<\/strong> ukulele festivals the last three weeks.<\/p>\n

I will share more about that in another blog but I just have to tell what happened at The Antelope Valley Ukulele Festival during the Friday evening concert. Not the part where the fire alarm went off, the police showed up, the building was evacuated and everyone huddled in the parking lot as we sang “Island Style” accompanied by some of the performers who remembered to skedaddle WITH their ukuleles\u2026<\/p>\n

Not that<\/em> part.<\/p>\n

\"\"
The Naked Waiters perform at The Antelope Valley Ukulele Festival. Photo by Craig Brandau<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

This<\/em> part: The three handsome, joy-infused fellows who are a delight for the eyes and ears. Whoo-hoo they can sing! In three-part harmony. They are very accomplished musicians and their arrangements are original and super cool. It\u2019s yummy. It\u2019s delicious. Uh-oh, I am suddenly besotted with food. Maybe it\u2019s their name. The Naked Waiters<\/strong>. But they are not waiting tables. Nor are they naked. And they will leave the stage wearing clothes.<\/p>\n

I mention this in passing because the action on stage then takes an abrupt turn. In my head.<\/em> It\u2019s all in my head.<\/p>\n

I have a flashback:<\/p>\n

My mother\u2019s birthday is coming up. Crazy mom–who has been obsessed with sex since I can remember and is a poster child for the old adage: The ones who talk the most about it have gone the longest without it.\u00a0<\/em>And now she\u2019s in her late seventies and still making casual conversation about men\u2019s parts. I kid you not.<\/p>\n

So for her B-Day I decide to take her to a matinee performance of the musical-comedy review, Naked Boys Singing.<\/strong> It\u2019s playing in a very small West Hollywood theater. The boxy room is the entire stage. No stadium seating here because there are ONLY two rows. On the stage. As an audience person you are either sitting in the front row. Or the back row. One expects that the performers may get…um…um…real close. So the decision to sit in the front or back row is made with much consideration.<\/p>\n

Mind you, this is a surprise for my normally talky-talky mother. She has no idea what\u2019s going on, why we are in THIS place and if that marquee about naked boys on the front of the building is, like, for real.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s interesting what happens when reality collides with fantasy. The talkers get real<\/em> quiet.<\/p>\n

Guess what, mom and I sit in the front row and everybody<\/em> gets quiet as the house lights dim, the musicians hit the downbeat and suddenly eight naked men are singing. Right in front of us. Okay, they are not quite naked. They’re are wearing headset mics. On their heads. That\u2019s it. The stage lighting is…very good.<\/p>\n

Oh God where do I look first? Well you know damned well where I look. I\u2019m an only child. I didn\u2019t grow up with brothers. I was never an Army Nurse. Of course I\u2019ve seen \u201cthe package,\u201d in person, but never more than one at a time. It\u2019s like I\u2019m in line at the Soup Plantation of Life here!<\/p>\n

I have no idea what they are singing. I think they are dancing or something but I\u2019m mesmerized by the sheer majesty and variety in the human species. Well at least eight of them. A few are more buff than others but the great equalizer is that they all appear to be having a really good time. I don\u2019t even like to dance naked in my own house, with the curtains closed and the lights dimmed to almost nothing. But these guys are groovin\u2019 and it\u2019s kind of contagious.<\/p>\n

Interestingly enough, after three songs I am just about done watching dingle-dangles and start focusing on, gasp<\/em>, the music, the performance, the whole twisted fun of it. These guys are really good singers and dancers and actors. Maybe they are exhibitionists too. But whatever<\/em>.<\/p>\n

One of my friends, a brilliant comedy writer, wrote a song for the show called \u201cThe Bliss of The Bris.\u201d It\u2019s written from the point of view of the one getting the manicure<\/em>. (Yes you can YouTube it). If you don\u2019t know what a bris<\/em> is please ask your nearest Jewish friend to explain. Because I\u2019m not going there. But the truth is, all the songs and skits in the show are really ingenious and entertaining and, oh yeah, the guys are naked.<\/p>\n

As I observed earlier, the nakedness thing gets kind of \u201cho-hum\u201d after a while and that is both surprising and comforting. I think I\u2019m settling down and that\u2019s when I notice THE something that will become THE enduring, stand-out memory of THE whole day…<\/p>\n

THE lower abs!<\/p>\n

\u201cReally,\u201d<\/em> you ask?<\/p>\n

Really<\/em>\u2026and picture this: My singing teacher–my mentor–would stand us in front of a full-length mirror leaning front and center in her over-stuffed living room, place her hands on her lower abdominal muscles and implore me to do the same with my belly. \u00a0Mind you we are definitely wearing clothes. We inhale, exhale, tighten and loosen those things like we’re blowing up a balloon in our gut then letting the air out. Over and over. I’m thinking she’s freaking nuts. But you know what, if I do THAT when I\u2019m singing (big IF), all at once I have this exquisite control of the sounds I make. \u00a0Singing becomes a whole body experience. \u00a0My legs and butt come online, the ribs expand, the multiple little mechanisms in my throat and mouth and nose relax and begin working together. \u00a0It feels really really good.<\/p>\n

So back to West Hollywood… There is one naked guy who is doing it.<\/em>\u00a0Just ONE. Every time he takes a breath to sing he squeezes his abs. There it is! THAT\u2019s what great singing technique looks like. Well, on a well-toned naked man body. The mental image is seared into my brain. This makes me so happy.<\/p>\n

Another thing that makes me happy is that my mother has gone mute. It\u2019s temporary of course and later that evening she will find her voice again and go all Mae West. In a few short years she\u2019ll spiral out of control but this afternoon she’s had a close encounter with the real deal. \u00a0Happy Birthday Mom!<\/p>\n

And ain\u2019t that how music goes. When it\u2019s just right–those words, those melodies\u2014they can send us back in time. Or down a brand new road.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve been spinning a lot of plates in the air lately. Gigging, teaching, doing what we all do to stay connected with each other, sleeping (sometimes), celebrating a wedding anniversary and my husband\u2019s birthday. Oh yes, I’ve been writing songs, practicing the uke and got to participate in not one, but two ukulele festivals the last three weeks. I will share more about that in another blog but I just have to tell what happened at The Antelope Valley Ukulele … Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":3992,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","kt_blocks_editor_width":"","_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[188,41],"class_list":["post-3990","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blogentry","tag-comedy-review","tag-ukulele"],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":2,"label":"blog entry"}],"post_tag":[{"value":188,"label":"comedy review"},{"value":41,"label":"ukulele"}]},"featured_image_src_large":["https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Antelope-Valley-concert-Cali-by-Craig-1024x819.jpg",1024,819,true],"author_info":{"display_name":"Cali Rose","author_link":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/author\/crbauthor\/"},"comment_info":11,"category_info":[{"term_id":2,"name":"blog entry","slug":"blogentry","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":2,"taxonomy":"category","description":"","parent":0,"count":138,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":2,"category_count":138,"category_description":"","cat_name":"blog entry","category_nicename":"blogentry","category_parent":0}],"tag_info":[{"term_id":188,"name":"comedy review","slug":"comedy-review","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":188,"taxonomy":"post_tag","description":"","parent":0,"count":1,"filter":"raw"},{"term_id":41,"name":"ukulele","slug":"ukulele","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":41,"taxonomy":"post_tag","description":"","parent":0,"count":15,"filter":"raw"}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3990","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3990"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3990\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4004,"href":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3990\/revisions\/4004"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3992"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3990"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3990"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3990"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}