{"id":697,"date":"2013-04-27T12:10:16","date_gmt":"2013-04-27T19:10:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/calirose.com\/blog\/?p=697"},"modified":"2013-04-27T12:10:16","modified_gmt":"2013-04-27T19:10:16","slug":"turning-90","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/turning-90\/","title":{"rendered":"TURNING 90"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>\u201cDon\u2019t get old.\u201d I hear that. A lot. I sing at an assortment of retirement homes, assisted living dormitories, skilled nursing-almost-hospitals. A few of the residents tug at my sleeves and repeat these very words. More than you would think.<\/p>\n

My own mother says it too. When she remembers. For the last few years she has been \u201c87 years old.\u201d Well that\u2019s her story and she sticking to it. Here is a woman whose gray hair leaks around the sides of her teased-up auburn wig. She looks like a pixie-yoda and prefers conversations about sex. She insists she has no wrinkles and that mirrors lie. When I tell her she is actually 90 years old, shock registers on her face and she changes the subject.<\/p>\n

The morning of my mother\u2019s actual 90th birthday I make a special trip to the neighborhood party store and pick out a couple birthday balloons. One says Happy 90th on multi-colored Mylar. An hour later the balloons and I float into the local Japanese restaurant for this rare lunchtime outing. My mother\u2019s caregiver and our friend make it a foursome in the cozy booth. Knotted tightly to a blue foil weight, the festive balloons drift to the ceiling. A beacon of longevity for all fellow sushi lovers to see.<\/p>\n

We are in a family-run establishment that values its elder customers so I know they will be patient and kind to my sometimes irrational and bellicose mother. Actually just being there together is somewhat of a miracle in itself. Now that mom and I are talking. Again. We\u2019ve been on the relationship ropes long before my training bra days. With two extra people at the table the conversation zigzags benignly from one light topic to another and this helps diffuse any potential for high dramatics.<\/p>\n

Old age amplifies my mother\u2019s \u201cidiosyncrasies.\u201d For example, she covets other people\u2019s stuff. She has been known to \u201cpilfer\u201d things and hide them away. Maybe she thinks she is retrieving what is legitimately hers. Over the last few months our caregiver has gotten wise to\u00a0my mother\u2019s ways.<\/em><\/p>\n

A cornucopia of sumptuous goodies sit on the table–roasted scallops, tempura, sushi and sashimi, little dabs of green salad-ity stuff. My mother digs in with joyful glee until the only two pieces of shrimp tempura are left. I know my mother. She is saving the best for last.<\/p>\n

I get distracted for just a moment and when I look back at my mom\u2019s plate, the shrimp are gone. \u201cWow she ate them fast,\u201d I tell myself. That\u00a0has to be<\/em>\u00a0the reason those two long blobs of fried flour and crustacean are no longer in sight.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s when the caregiver reaches over and pulls up my mother\u2019s sleeve. We see a 90-year-old arm, two shrimp tempura and a set of chopsticks. Maybe mom missed her calling as a magician. I didn\u2019t see her do it. The caregiver laughs because this form of larceny is old news now. My mother laughs too. Busted again.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Just then the lovely waitress brings a bowl of green tea ice creme with a birthday candle. Mom blows it out and we sing \u201cHappy Birthday.\u201d Others in the restaurant turn around to watch. There might as well be a spotlight on that damned balloon. 90 years\u2026<\/p>\n

That\u2019s 90 years of pushing and shoving, palming things that don\u2019t belong to her. 90 years of trying to love and of desperately wanting to be loved in return, but almost bereft of the capacity to do either.<\/p>\n

Now that she is losing her memory, I am the only one left who is the \u201cholder\u201d of all the stuff that has gone down over the decades. It\u2019s a tightrope I walk, wavering between compassion and a whole lot of\u00a0pissed off.<\/em>\u00a0But I am confident of this: My mother is doing the best she can. She\u2019s always done the best she could do. For better. For worse.<\/p>\n

And somehow she has lived 90 years, whether my mother likes it or not. Is it the daily prunes? And olive oil? The blood vendettas? The marathon sessions with Oprah and Dr. Oz? Her wicked sense of humor? Who knows\u2026<\/p>\n

Happy Birthday Mom! I love you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cDon\u2019t get old.\u201d I hear that. A lot. I sing at an assortment of retirement homes, assisted living dormitories, skilled nursing-almost-hospitals. A few of the residents tug at my sleeves and repeat these very words. More than you would think. My own mother says it too. When she remembers. For the last few years she has been \u201c87 years old.\u201d Well that\u2019s her story and she sticking to it. Here is a woman whose gray hair leaks around the sides … Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_seopress_analysis_target_kw":"","kt_blocks_editor_width":"","_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-697","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blogentry"],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":2,"label":"blog entry"}]},"featured_image_src_large":false,"author_info":{"display_name":"Cali Rose","author_link":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/author\/crbauthor\/"},"comment_info":8,"category_info":[{"term_id":2,"name":"blog entry","slug":"blogentry","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":2,"taxonomy":"category","description":"","parent":0,"count":139,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":2,"category_count":139,"category_description":"","cat_name":"blog entry","category_nicename":"blogentry","category_parent":0}],"tag_info":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/697","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=697"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/697\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=697"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=697"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/calirose.com\/wackyworld\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=697"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}