I call it “shopping therapy.”
I jump on the “consumer bandwagon” and follow the sales to my local brick and mortar store. It’s like a mini-vacation that I book on my way to a gig. I don’t have to buy anything and usually don’t. But there is something about shopping that gets me out of my head and into a kind of hypnotic trance. Well that’s the way it’s supposed to work…
So here I am pushing open the doors to Steinmart. I’ve got a fist full of coupons, an hour to spare and I’m in the mood to browse. This store, along with Goodwill and Ross Dress For Less, are my go-to lodges for colorful distraction.
I veer right toward the boutique part of the store and just like that, I am seriously staring down a blue ombré tunic dress. It’s “hippy chic.” Please know that I am not a hippy. Nor chic. But then very little makes sense to me in this life so what the hell. Just then a fellow shopper swoops beside me and exclaims — I mean she EXCLAIMS: “That dress is SO you.” And she doesn’t budge until I snatch the blue thing with its black crochet sleeves off the rack and drape it over my arm. This woman is so convincing I believe her. The short-circuiting has begun.
After that encounter I wander through the rest of the store, drawn to the sale racks first, petites, hats, jewelry, shoes. This is so fun. I balance more clothes over my right arm and proudly dangle that hippy frock by its hanger as if I am a walking billboard for “cool.”
Off to the fitting room I go. I’m second in line behind another woman. She turns around and sizes me up.
“Is that dress for you?” The words slither from her mouth as her eyes drift over the blue ombré.
“Maybe…” I reply, going all wishy-washy and noncommittal.
“It’s too young for you.” She snaps.
“That’s not a bad thing…” I poof, feeling like I have to say something even though what I am thinking is F—K You!
At that point I abruptly turn around and go back into the store to find more clothes. This is supposed to be “Cali Time.” Rest and relaxation and all that… But now I’m descending into the caverns of unresolved psychological stuff. Yet again.
Let’s review:
Within minutes two different people share two different opinions about the same dress. Unsolicited. And thank you very much. But what if one of them is right? Even a little right…
One of the gifts of getting older is that most of us reach a point where we don’t give a hoot what other people think about us. At least most of the time. But these interactions at Steinmart, albeit brief, get to me. They slice a little, like a paper cut. I want folks to like me. I want to feel like I belong to a tribe and this is what my lizard brain hears:
Woman #1: “I like you.”
Woman #2: “I don’t like you.”
Wait a minute! We are talking about a dress. That’s all. A dress. But isn’t it interesting how a whole chapter in our life story can rise out of some mere trifle like this…
The truth is neither of these women know a damned thing about me–my tally of gain and loss; what scares the hell out of me and what makes me giddy; what I value and what puts me to sleep. They don’t know my name.
Yet both of them make snap judgments. Lordy, we all do. And based on what? One of my music teachers was the “deep thinker” type and often likened us to mirrors, we human being people. When we look at each other we are really seeing flashes of ourselves. You spot it, you got it. Could it be that those two women were seeing reflections of themselves in that dress? In me?
And visa-versa?
To be honest, I enjoy the first encounter more than the second! She seems like a pal, a girlfriend. The other woman has a “boss lady” vibe like “I know best.” Or worse “I know you.” Well screw that. We are lucky in this life if we finally begin to know ourselves, much less anyone else. Being a human is THAT complicated. And mysterious.
Finally I lock myself in a fitting room and pull the dress over my head. I turn this way and that way in front of the mirror. Well it’s cute and fits perfectly.
BUT…
On me the blues and blacks look like something Morticia from the Addams family would wear when she’s harvesting this week’s stash of mushrooms in the dark cellar of the old homestead.
What was I thinking?
The truth is both women are wrong. This dress is not “me.” No matter the year I was born. I can hear my inner fashion guru again–the whispery voice that knows only two words: Yes. No. Her batting average is not perfect but it’s pretty good.
I buy a pair of fakey-silver heart earrings. With my coupon I get a whopping 75% off. That’s $4.32 out the door. I love hearts. I’d like to think I’m an open-hearted person. A kind person.
Until some pushy b-i-t-c-h comes along and tells me how to dress.
Damn those mirrors!
___________________________________________________
PROGRAM NOTE:
My next “OnGoing Ukulele Workshop & Jam”
AND
My “Five-Week Ukulele for Beginners”
BOTH start Saturday, April 23, 2016 at Boulevard Music in Culver City, California. Make music…make happy!
The flyers are below and a big hug of thanks to all of you!
Cali Rose
From K.
Standing ovation – I was right there with you in every word on your Steinmart excursion – exquisite writing as always – brought me much enjoyment!
Cali Rose
From B.
i always enjoy reading your newsletter and can relate to each one. This last one really touched home.
Back when I was in college, down in Fort Worth, Texas, I took a speech class where you regularly read poems and selections to the class. I have always had a low, rather breathy voice, and it’s difficult to be heard, so I was hoping this would help, learning to breathe from my diaphragm and project my voice. At the end of the semester, each student was given critiques of their overall presentations from each of the other students. There were only two or three Yankees in my class, the rest were from various places in Texas.
With trepidation, I started to read my critiques that last day of class. To my great delight, the first one I read said they looked forward to hearing me read each session because my voice was so sweet and sexy. Score one, right? I must be getting better with the projection and turning things around. I was on cloud nine! However, the second one was a kick right in the stomach – it said I sounded like a little girl who didn’t know what she was doing, and even went further to predict I would never get anywhere in life if I continued to sound like that (a little like telling an adult no one would ever look up to them if they don’t get taller). I was devastated. Then, the third one informed that although my readings were okay, I really needed to do something to get rid of my southern drawl! Born in Chicago, raised in southern California and then Maryland, I knew all was lost. Clearly, none of these people knew what the heck they were talking about. I wound up throwing all of the critiques away. A class full of Texans, some even from the Ranch Management program, and I was being fingered for a southern accent? People, eh! You never know the baggage folks are carrying. I still think the second comment must have been from girlfriend of the guy that wrote the first message, and the last comment must have come from that New Yorker we had in the class, who probably felt everyone had drawls.
I have learned to take what most people say with a grain a salt. You never know what’s going on in their heads, and some people have a lot of nerve and no social sense.
Thanks for your newsletters. They always make me smile.
Cali Rose
From P.
Cali,You have a bit of Nora Ephron in you – how declicious! I love to read your posts, thank you for bringing a big smile to my day.
Cali Rose
From N.
That was such an entertaining read. I had a similar experience shopping for lipstick at Target.
Cali Rose
From D.
You always make me feel better. I keep thinking I’m the only nut in this world.
Cali Rose
From M.
Retail Therapy is absolutely essential for all of us. My favorite place is a resale shop called WINGS – stands for Women In Need Growing Stronger – a wonderful charity . I have only had positive comments from other shoppers when visiting the store. I guess it is because we are helping others as we also help ourselves., and get a great bargain at the same time!
Cali Rose
From V.
Ain’t the truth! All of it. Maybe I’ll just keep reading your blogs to get my therapy.
You are soooooo right. Hit the nail on the head down to the wood!!
GO GIRL….whatever age.
Jealous bitches
Cali Rose
From C.
I LOVE this essay!
It’s incredible to me that a stranger would have the chutzpah to make a negative comment about a garment you had picked. I suspect she was physically and emotionally constipated.
Listen, I had a wonderful neighbor, a redhead (with a little help) who was 90 and dressed with the style of a sharp, fashion-savvy young woman (ankle bracelet, above-the-knee skirts — well, she had great legs — and all) and always looked fantastic. I strongly believe that attitude carries the day in fashion (and in most stuff as well).
And the earrings look great on you! I like the symbolism. Wear them in good health and happiness.
Cali Rose
From T.
hey cali
you could wear a gunny sack or a gown and i’d be happy to see ya.
nice to hear from you. always so interesting. i always wondered about
that “it takes one to know one” idea. not so sure it is really true. just because
i recognize or can intuit something, that don’t mean that it be me. it just
means i have my ear to the ground or am a good watcher.
Cali Rose
From S.
I had a strange encounter in the bank. It was very crowded. I talked to the manager for a time, then got into a line. There was a woman and three men in front of me. All of a sudden the woman stared at me and yelled that she hated me because I smiled the whole time I was in the bank. I told her I was sorry, but I was happy. She continued to yell at me. The three men and I could not stop laughing. The man directly in front of me was doubled over, he was laughing so hard. After yelling at us all after she got to the teller…..something about us listening to her conversation with the teller, she left. All was quiet. Never had so much fun in the bank.
Cali Rose
From L.
Well, you do sound like you’re in need of therapy. I do that all the time. But I do purchase – a lot and not too much leaves the home, only more comes in. My place was the Ross’ on the way home from work in Santa Monica. The place has now changed to Macy’s and they are everywhere. Even when I visit Hawaii, Seattle WA. Everywhere with my handy coupons. Just note that you are not alone.
Cali Rose
From Anonymous:
How funny. I was just thinking last week that I had not received an email update/blog from you in a while. I was starting to get concerned that you had removed me from your list. Then I became sad. It was such a roller coaster.
And then, out of the blue, I hear from you!! Hooray! Sunshine again!
Oddlly, I had similar experience last summer.
1. #1 that I’ve known for 5 years comes up to me and says, ___ wow! You’ve put on some weight!.”
Then, 1 week later,
2. #2 that I didn’t know, comes up to me and asks, “Would you mind it if I think you are Dad-Bod-Hot?”
I later did research (Because I didn’t know what that meant.) and found out that it means: Handsome Face, Fat Body.
Gee, thanks!
Hopefully you are laughing as much as I was…
P.S. I should have asked #1 if she was pregnant….LOL
Cali Rose
From: R
Don’t let the idiots get you down.
I like you.
You know, when I got to Home Depot, no guy ever comes up to me and tells me that wrench is too young for me.
When I’m in REI, no guy ever comes up to me and tells me that tent fits like…well…
I think guys have a better sense of MYOB, or maybe we just don’t care, or maybe that it’s just that we struggle so much with the minute details of the task at hand, we have no capacity left to advise others. Ask Craig, but I think he will agree.
Cali Rose
From M.
Maybe the second woman wanted the dress herself and was hoping that by making you feel insecure about how inappropriate it might be, you would put it back and she could snap it up. I like those earrings.
Nicole Cook
I love reading your blogs when they come out. I always relate to what my 3 year old friend Layla would say when things go wrong – the “Oh the humanity” – in your pieces. And you manage them with such humour (and in this case diagrams too!) and depth that I end up feeling more part of the human race after all is said and done. I LOVE Steinmart. And your new earrings. Go heart!
Cali Rose
Thank you so much and yes “oh the humanity.” She got that right!
Hester Palmquist
Cali: I so enjoyed reading this! I, too, shop at The Goodwill. In fact I was there today spending hours looking through racks of clothes that were so packed, one could hardly move the hangers along to look at the next item. Then the moment of truth….in the dressing room….with all those overhead glaring lights and full-length mirrors. UGH!! This is so difficult for me, especially because I am overweight and it’s hard to find anything that fits, let alone is becoming! But all was not lost as I found a loose, lightweight top in a color that I love to wear with my leggings at the YMCA where I just started exercise classes. So hopefully the next time I venture into that store I will find more things that are something other than a size 2!
By the way, I absolutely know that you’re an open-hearted and kind person! And the dress sounded groovy — you should have bought it!
Cali Rose
Thanks Hester! The Goodwill is the most price-friendly place for me to invite my inner demons to the table for a cookie. After all, we woke this morning, so what the hell.
Dianne Murray
Where is a Stein Mart?? It used to be one of my favorites in Dallas
I would like to do the class starting in April, but of course I work that particular Saturday. I work the 1st and 3rd Saturday of each month. Can we work this out some how??
Cali Rose
Steinmart JUST opened in Torrance, California which is where had this encounter. It’s on Pacific Coast Highway near Hawthorne Boulevard right next to the Best Buy. Bring the coupons!
Carola
Heart earrings: Perfect choice.
New Blog: Delightful! Thoughtful and funny!
You are such a talented woman.
Carola
Cali Rose
Thank you Carola. The earrings were a notable consolation prize for my “being as adult as possible” in this kerfuffle of a moment. I let it go (well after I wrote the blog…)