Well hello everybody and I sure have missed writing and sharing my missives with you. The music thing is grabbing most of my personal bandwidth these days. But have I got a story to tell:
Yesterday I couldn’t see much of anything with my left eye…
and today, I can…
but…
oh those but’s…
I’ve been “legally blind” in my left eye since the Russians launched Sputnik. I could see vague shapes, shadows, colors and that’s all. Forget the eye chart. Couldn’t even see the big ‘E’ much less anything else. Like your face.
I had a point of focus though—about a quarter of an inch from my eyeball where I could read a blurry word or two. Fortunately my right eye is okay but you can imagine that the very notion of depth perception is a running joke in my life.
Flash forward to a January visit to The DMV when they insisted I return later this year to test all over again “because we want to see you,” said the nice lady with the clipboard. “Why is that,” I chirped, considering my driving record has been stellar for the last twenty years. (Everyone knock on wood, would ya). “Well you are legally blind in one eye and have a cataract…”
It just so happens that THE CATARACT of concern is in my legally blind eye so I’ve been postponing the surgery because, hey, I can’t see much anyway. But the cataract was getting really bad. So yesterday I finally land on a cushy highchair that will soon unfold into a surgical gurney. The chair and I are in a long row of patient “pods” at The Jules Stein Eye Institute at UCLA and the pre-op begins. I am comforted that this place has a gold medal reputation and my husband and I have good insurance.
The staff is kind and attentive. As I am leaving the gender-neutral bathroom one nurse points out the obvious–that toilet paper is stuck to my hospital gown and I’m dragging it down the corridor. You know, it’s the little things you remember.
The doc stops by to reassure me and explain that the back of my retina is very big and misshapen so there is only one mono lens she can use in the procedure and I’m thinking…can you give me the anti-anxiety drugs NOW?
And then it’s show time as they push me and my Barcalounger to the operating room. Even though the nurse anesthetist is by my side, I am NOT asleep but rather seeing lights flash and feeling pressure and tugging on my eyeball. But thankfully, there is no pain.
And suddenly it’s done. They wheel me back to my “pod,” unhook the telemetry, IV and send me packing with a parting gift: An arachnid-looking eyepatch that remains in place until I return 17 hours later for a quick post-op visit with my doc.
And The Big Reveal!
A tech guy removes the eye patch and instructs me to “look around” as he closes the door behind him.
Oh my God, it’s so bright in here. The computer screens glow neon like the Las Vegas Strip. There is an LED screen eye chart and I can actually see four fuzzy letters. Believe me, this is a big deal. I recognize my husband who is sitting in a nearby chair. I see his beautiful blurry face. This is a big deal. I extend my arms in front of me and the tips of my fingers mark my new point of focus. From yesterday to today, it goes from a quarter inch to about two feet away.
But my right eye, my dominant eye, is talking to me now and saying, “WAIT A MINUTE. WTF IS HAPPENING HERE?” And now my left eye is chiming in as I stare at the vertical edge of the office door, It’s wavy. I close my dominant eye and spin in place, gazing east, west, north, south and see soft wavy vertical lines. Everywhere.
Now it’s my brain’s turn to say “WTF! WTF!” When the doc walks in I quickly announce “this is a mixed bag” and describe the Alice in Wonderland experience I am having right now.
“But maybe it’s been this way all along? I was too blind to see it?”
She nods in agreement and shows me a picture of my retina on the computer screen. It looks like a gall bladder instead of a nice round eye. Kind of long and dippy. I’ve seen the image before, over the years, but right now I’m really eye-balling it—from the inside out. By the way, the fancy name for all this commotion is metamorphopsia.
Did you know the retina sees images upside down but the brain turns them right side up? Yay brain!!! My doc says this visual disconnect between my right and left eye will get better with time as the brain works its magic. But the waves…they are here to stay.
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude,” so says Maya Angelou.
Which brings me to my experience with time: I have floaters in both eyes. They have driven me crazy. Laser surgery helped until I got more floaters. For years it was “Oh-My-God-This-Is-Awful.” Then one day I realized I wasn’t saying that anymore. It’s not like those pesky clouds and slithery worms went away. They just became irrelevant.
Everybody has something, maybe lots of “somethings.” Our miraculous animal bodies are doing the best they can. So “thank you.” Thank you for this wild, wavy ride.
K.
I’m so happy to receive a long awaited blog from you!! I was wondering what had happened! Thank you for sharing news on your eye surgery. Although you have a unique eye issue, as many of us in your audience are aging, it’s nice to know there are some silver linings (surgery) to our issues. I knocked on wood for a speedy and full recovery.
A.
I am so happy for you, that your cataract surgery went well and you are able to see with your left eye. You never cease to amaze me with your amazing quill , I feel like I almost see things thru your eyes…….like my friend Bill, who missed his calling as a novelist or ghost writer.
…looking forward to your next email.
C.
Wishing you the permanent retention of your marvelous and inoperable sense of humor!
T.
I always love your descriptions of procedures. Glad your surgery is behind you and can look forward to improved eyesight. Cataract surgery is the miracle surgery these days. I am amazed that you managed to write a detailed blog while still healing‼️
Keep up with the eye drops.
J.G.
Cali, this is wonderful! I didn’t know about your vision challenge. Good for you that you have been such a positive light for so many people in spite of having to do things in a way that would send others running for cover.BTW, my hearing is getting wacky – but I figure if we live long enough I’ll be able to hear better, and you’ll get full sight in both eyes!
A.A.
As always a delight to read your blog. This one resonates with me as I went in for cataract surgery and ended up with Fuchs Dystrophy making me legally blind until I had a corneal transplant. While mine was only a year long journey I relate to your very long journey. Yes, we all have something. I often reflect on “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude,” as Maya Angelou said. So very true. Continue living life fully and sending joy!
Cali Rose
OMG!!! I trust that your vision has returned, and hopefully in a brighter, lighter way?
E.M.
You are one wonderful writer! The way you describe what you’re seeing and feeling is so intense!!! I do have a question: what is your vision like now? Can you read letters on an eye chart? Is everything still wavy? Congratulations for going through the surgery. You are one amazing lady!
Cali Rose
Thank you Evelyn! I am still legally blind in my left eye but because the point of focus has changed and the cataract removed, I see more shapes with their edges so I can differentiate between a tall person and a tall tree, for example. But anything that is vertical, the edges are wavy. I can’t do anything about it except enjoy the show!!! So on we go!
E.D.
Thanks for sharing the big changes in your visual perception, good and bright, and not so good, wavy.
I never expected to learn a big new word like metamorphopsia from my uke teacher, but I expect the unexpected these days.
All best wishes as you preserve what vision you have.
Beth
It’s good to read about happiness and success – especially yours. Congratulations!
Cali Rose
Thank you Beth. As you know, we can’t take one day or one moment even, for granted. Big hugs to you.
Bobbie Jean Hasselbring
OMG, Cali girl, what a wild ride. It’s like psychedelic trip without the hallucinogens. I have so missed your writing. If you hadn’t been such a talented musician, you definitely could have made it as a writer (the pay is probably just the same–lousy). Hoping this cataract surgery eventually improves your vision. Thanks for sharing your “view.” Bobbie
Cali Rose
Thank you Bobbie! Apparently I have a new in-board “fun house” and right now it’s…well…entertaining. I noticed today as I was walking in my neighborhood the curb on the street was wavy. It is, after all, a vertical line. Who knew there are so many up/down things in the world. And on we go. Breathing and showing up!
Cali Rose
Thank you Bobbie! Apparently I have a new in-board “fun house” and right now it’s…well…entertaining. I noticed today as I was walking in my neighborhood the curb on the street was wavy. It is, after all, a vertical line. Who knew there are so many up/down things in the world. And on we go. Breathing and showing up!
Catherine
Wow! Thanks for sharing your blog, eye surgery with us! You’re amazing and so brave! Not only I’m learning the uke music from you but also your wisdom and courage on walking your journey. Love every moment I spent with you and the zoom group! xo
Cali Rose
Oh thank you Catherine! Being human is complicated, huh, but thank goodness for opportunities to express our shared humanity. I can feel in every Zoom class. Happy Strumming!
AM
Hooray!! Sounds like a success!! Great! Now rest and recover! Thinking of you!
Cali Rose
Thank you. I’m doing the drop thing and the eye patch at night and my mantra for the next few days is “Don’t rub your eyes. Don’t rub your eyes.”
Cali Rose
I’m happy to hear your surgery went well and your world is brighter but with bonus waves. Gosh, nothing is simple is it? I so appreciate you sharing your journey with us as I have been wondering how it all went. I wish you all the best as you learn to make the best of your new view of the world! Making music is a great coping mechanism!!
NH
Thank you and amen to that. Writing is a great coping mechanism too and dumping on sharing with my peeps! And onward we go dear one!
Regina Klein
Dear Cali,
Your symptoms & journey carried me into impressionistic visuals. Glad you were in good hands, and on the road to better vision.
Well wishes,
Regina
Cali Rose
Thank you Regina and it’s so good to hear from you. I hope you are doing okay too. What an interesting life this is…
Regina Klein
Dear Cali,
Your symptoms & journey carried me into impressionistic visuals. Glad you were in good hands, and on the road to better vision.
Well wishes,
Regina
Regina Klein
Dear Cali,
Your symptoms & journey carried me into impressionistic visuals. Glad you were in good hands, and on the road to better vision.
Well wishes,
Regina
RM
WOW, Wow whoopee and more. Such good news that your eye(s) are in a positive changing mode post surgery. May it continue. My wow was different, when I opened my eye all and every colors were vibrant!
Who knew your vision was such a mess. You do a great job of not making it obvious. Continue to discover vision xx
Cali Rose
Thank you!
Barbara
So glad you’re over the cataract surgery and all looks and seems well. There will be transitional things, but the main correction has been made. For mine, I’m seeing clearer and brighter. I thought the lightest of all colors around me was light beige. Now there is white! And other bright colors. Let time pass and little by little you’ll see more and more. Best of everything to you, dear Cali. Hugs, Barbara
Bobbie Hasselbring
Wowee, Cali girl, I sure have missed your writing. If you weren’t a fabulous musician, you likely could have made it as a writer. Your eye adventure is crazy surreal. Holy smokes— a wild trip without the hallucinogens. Hope your vision continues to improve. Love you. Bobbie
Barbara
So glad you’re over the cataract surgery and all looks and seems well. There will be transitional things, but the main correction has been made. For mine, I’m seeing clearer and brighter. I thought the lightest of all colors around me was light beige. Now there is white! And other bright colors. Let time pass and little by little you’ll see more and more. Best of everything to you, dear Cali. Hugs, Barbara
Cali Rose
Thank you Barbara! Yes the light and colors are really striking!
JW
Thanks for the wonderful story of your adventure at Stein and the results. We love Stein too. How many strings on your uke do you see now? 8?
Cali Rose
The strings are wavy if I hold the uke vertically in front of my face. Quite a show!
PK
It’s never a dull moment for you. Does the waviness make you nauseous?
Thank you for another adventure from the world of Cali. I enjoy them all, even though maybe you don’t.
Cali Rose
The waviness does not make me dizzy at all. Vertical lines pretty much stick to their wobbly appearance, but my right eyes says they are straight and my left eye says they are wavy and it’s an interesting study in “what’s real,” let me tell you.
DB
Hallelujah. That is awesome news Cali. I thought your surgery was maybe yesterday. I swear by Jules Stein. I am so happy your surgery went well. They are the best! You look so good in a baseball hat!
Dianne
Wow your new eyewear is charming but the waving trees make me a bit queasy. Hope you get back to some level of normality soon. You are an amazing women and we love you!
LK
Ahhhh-I remember that experience well‼️ The first thing I noticed after my first cataract surgery was how bright and intense colors were as if my lens had just been cleaned
The second surgery left me with a headache but otherwise mimicked the first. The third surgery, on my left eye again, was done to take away the wavy vision that was caused by a “Macular Pucker” which made doorways look like the edges of a funhouse mirror. Once that wrinkled membrane was removed, vertical lines were less visible and, as you mentioned, the “good” eye will make things rather straight again.
Enjoy the bright colors while they last‼️ L.K.